European Union Forums

[Faw_Peter]

You feel yourself uncomfortable and your tongue twists if somebody addresses to you? You can't expose your opinion? Parties are similar to tortures for you? Here's what you can do:

- Take it as a rule to be the first at greeting the people who surround you and you'll notice the more often you do that, the easier it becomes.

- Be confident or at least show confident look. straighten your shoulders and rise your head, making everybody understand you are important

- Develop the art of talking. Start from people you believe it's easier to talk to, and then change the segment

- Prepare a dialogue topic. It can be any detail - a book in your hand, a picture on the wall etc.

- Give questions, don't hesitate, about anything you really want to know

- Relax before a party, remember - it's a party not army

- Life is a stage. Imagine you're an actor that has to reflect a person who is your opposite.

- Create your own style/image and don't be feel discomfort about your look

- Try to do the action that you are foremost afriad.

- Realize, you're not alone.

Don't underestimate yourself, you are strong and can do it.

[Terry]

Not everyone is able to do the things mentioned. But, I agree we should try. If one is communicative, he simply can't be a loser. Communication means - nice girls/boys around you, good job, friends etc.

[M.Helen]

easy to say and to give advices, but it is very difficult to follow them, especially in a society in which people do not help you to get up but help you to get down .

[Laurentine]

Whatever the reasons for this behavior has developed, and no matter how far it arrived in jeopardizing relations that a person has, the good news is that shyness can be educated.
1. Start expose yourself. Even if you hard and you feel you have sweaty palms and a knot in your throat, do not miss the opportunity to intervene at least once during a discussion.
2. Make a small mistake on purpose. For many timid persons to make a mistake is something fatal. A little thing, that others may not have not noticed, it spoil the day and still obsessive thinking how much could he wrong. As such, making a small mistake on purpose, you can realize that your mistakes are not that catastrophic and that the world does not give even so much importance.
3. When you made a mistake, be the first to laugh. The more you are more discouraged by your mistakes and you fluffier more, so they make it obvious. Use them to continue as a pretext for open conversation and make communication easier. For remember, all make blunders.
The important thing is to accept that we are not perfect.

[Terry]

Timididatea not a choice. May be to blame education received in the first years of life. Affection received from the start psychic models the kid. If this disease is not assured, your child will be uncertain, with a permanent state of discomfort, misfit. These children will become some adults in a continuous state of defense, so called shy introvert. This vulnerability exists and the shy extrovert. They seem to perform slightly in the social environment, but beyond the apparent, feel tortured. Their shyness is hardly improved even by psychotherapy. During adolescence, when there is redefining personality, social, physical, psychological, in case of drastic changes in an individual's life (divorce, redundancy).

[Terry]

Shy people are not always devoid of friends. When the entourage with certain people have managed to overcome the barrier of communication path, begin to act normally shy and are very pleasant. People get shy because it is hard to start a relationship with someone unknown, or because they feel rejected by others because they are quiet, withdrawn. Reactions to such situations are different: some are angry because of rejection and feelings of superiority and their desire for revenge. Others become more withdrawn as the increasingly confident about being uninteresting. Some researchers believe that shyness may be genetically transmitted. Shy children often resembles their parents. Shyness in children is manifested by the fact that they are scared of everything new, are devoid of spontaneity with strangers, are irritable, angry and complain a lot.

[Terry]

Shyness does not simply disappear. To remove particular efforts must be made in this direction. Shy people have to force them to have as many interactions with other people, even if at first it will very difficult. Another thing you should do is to focus on things that you create a good opinion of himself. Shy can participate in sports competitions, can learn a foreign language, or it may involve a long term relationship. Once you increase confidence in their capabilities and will be appreciated by people who have same interests as you, you will not be difficult to interact with people different. Try to focus on you as little and as much on others. During an unknown interactionarii not think of how nervous you are. Do not expect from you to be brilliant, humorous, perfect. You better think about how you make the other feel comfortable. Help him to talk, to share his feelings.

[Terry]

It is recommended to take a casual and pleasant. A shy man means a lonely man, a man broke the other, an unsociable man. Between him and his peers is an insuperable barrier, a large and invisible wall. Imagine a shy man. So shy that ashamed waiting bus at station from the right side of the block where he lives, considering that usually wait in the station on the left. Unable to integrate into society is due to excessive shyness, timid people become faster targets reviews of the groups they belong to, are faster prone to drug and alcohol.

Timiditatea excesiva duce la neintegrarea in societate, persoanele timide devin mai repede tinte de comentarii ale grupurilor din care fac parte, sunt predispuse mai repede la consum de droguri si alcool.

[Rakhi-Chowdhary]

Thank you so much for sharing so may ways to overcome shyness and timidity. I am sure if one tries to follow these and is able to follow few of them will gradually improve.

[soshylite]

I used to be painfully shy in high school, but I am 29 now and over my shyness for the most part. When I was 15 I couldn't have imagined I would ever get over my shnyess but I did. I used a lot of the same techniques that were described above.

I wanted to add, that I know it is way more difficult to put these techniques into practice, but it can be done. I forced myself to do a lot of these things without even realizing they were techniques. But the important thing is to push yourself just enough. Not all of these techniques will come naturally right away, and some may be more difficult for you than others, so start with the techniques that are easier for you and work your way up to the more difficult ones.

I also want to add some advice from my own experience.

-Even if you don't feel confident - fake it till you make it - this felt super uncomfortable for me because I didn't like to "fake" anything (in fact I hated that phrase), but surprisingly it helped. When I acted more confident (even if I didn't feel it) people responded to the confidence.

-Don't beat yourself up for making mistakes - I was so afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing that I didn't do anything at all. -Take that first risk - and if you mess up, don't beat yourself up. Tell yourself to "STOP" (I would literally say STOP in my head) - remind yourself of all your good qualities, or think back to the good parts of the conversation. Chances are the other person won't spend as much time thinking about your mistake as you will. So try to forget about it and move on. Distract yourself, talk to someone else, call up friends or family, don't let yourself fall into the cycle of negative self-talk. I know it's really hard, I was there. That's why it's important to stop the negative self-talk and learn how to cope with making mistakes.

-Also laughing at yourself is key. If you make a mistake, it's much easier if you make a joke out of it, then worrying if someone else will.

-As for getting tongue-tied - try in advance to think about things you have in common with the people you would like to talk to. Think about what you might talk with them about. How would that conversation go. Ask them lots of questions, that way you get them talking, which is easier than struggling for something to say. If you're having trouble even approaching someone, start off small - smile and say hi - make that first contact - try to reach out, you may feel you're imposing but you're not. Other people can be shy too (even if they don't appear to be) and it may take them awhile to warm up to you as well, so keep trying. The more people you start approaching the easier it becomes.

It may be especially difficult at school or at work where everybody knows you as the "shy" or "quiet" person, because they will be probably be surprised when you speak to them, which is often why it can be more difficult for shy people, because we've given ourselves our own reputation. This might sound backwards, especially coming from a formerly shy person, but sometimes it can be easier to practice not being shy in an environment where we don't know anyone, where people haven't already given the label as "you're that shy person." It's easier to "pretend" to be the outgoing person, who we want to be but don't feel we are. Also, it's easier to get over making a mistake if you don't have to worry about whether you will ever see that person again. If you start practicing being outgoing in an environment where people don't know you, you are likely to get positive responses which can give you the confidence to be more outgoing in school and work where you do know people.

It's okay to be quiet sometimes. As shy people we want to socialize and we have difficulty doing it. We need to push ourselves to overcome our shyness. But sometimes we need to give ourselves a break. If a conversation is going on and we legitamtely have nothing to say, or are not interested, it's okay sometimes to sit back and give ourselves a break.

So that's my advice for what it's worth. I hope it helps. As I said before, I know how difficult it is to be painfully shy, but I know that it can be overcome. So to all of you struggling with this, my best wishes to you all. I know it's hard but I know you can overcome it. Good luck to all of you! **Hugs**

[aimhigh]

Shyness usually dissipates as people mature and become more experienced. I admit that I was a shy girl before, kinda one question and one answer. Before I hate parties but when I got a gay friend, he is a great socialiser and can make other people feel comfortable and interesting. Lol, he never have any dull moment. He is so talkative that's why i become talkative as well. He's the one who help me overcome my timidity.

[Laurentine]

I know it by myself that it is very difficult to overpass these feel, when your have redness on your cheeks, when your heart is beating very fast and you can not say anything, is like your system operation is blocked. The first you should do, is to calm down and to imagine that you are absolutely alone and no body see you.

[Jonathan]

STOP trying to work out why you are shy.
Don't waste any more time gazing at your navel.

There are a few very simple steps anyone can do to quickly and easily overcome shyness.

The first step is to SMILE.

Getting into the habit of smiling as often as you can and at everyone you can is the most important step you can do now for free to quickly start overcoming your shyness.

Try this simple exercise for one day.

SMILE at everyone you meet, stranger and friend alike on the day you do the exercise.
Be sure to make your smile as warm and friendly as you possibly can.

At the end of the day, spend a few minutes thinking about how the people you smiled at reacted to you.
Where these people more friendly and relaxed with you?
Did most of the people you smiled at smile back at you?
Did you have a good day?

[Martin]

There are a lot of people who have this kind of problem and i think for them it is really difficult to overcome this situation. The best i think is to take a medicine in such cases, something that will relax you totally and you will feel very indifferent what is happening and who is watching you.