European Union Forums

[M.Helen]

Two days ago I found out that my husband has a mistress – a young 20-year old girl. When we tried to discuss this, he blamed me for everything. Answering my question “what do we do next?”, he apologized and said “let’s forget about that”. Tell me what to do, should I forgive him?

[petergiovanni]

That depends on a lot of things. One can't forget and one can only forgive if it is a genuine mistake but is it?????

[M.Helen]

he said he would never do that again, I talked to that girl's parents and they punished her. I have doubts he loves me

[leonardo]

look that up to u , but if he said that will never occur again let him a moment
and try him out

[petergiovanni]

This is a fairly typical situation and there is no one answer. If your relationship is secure and destined to last then this could be a one off aberration. On the other hand you are right to doubt him and this may suggest signs of a change of his feelings for you.

[sara]

hi i advise u not to forgive him because if u had a boyfreind like him does he forgive u?

[Terry]

sara it's ok to forgive a girl if she really regrets about it

[petergiovanni]

I guess it is what he does next which shows his faithfulness. Actions not words are the most important thing in a love relationship

[Terry]

words also are important. Women like to hear the men telling them about love

[petergiovanni]

Yes they do but it's no good if the man says "let's forget about that". Not the right words to sweep an affair under the mat! He's got to use words that thrill and convince a woman.

[Terry]

it means he is not interested indeed in her

[Faw_Peter]

I cheated sometimes my x-girlfriend with other girls. Once she found out that, but I managed to convince I love her. It worked

[Big_Becka]

There are 2 things to forgive here:

1) Cheating on you. I was once in a similar situation. I gave him a second chance (everyone deserves a second chance?), but when he cheated on me again, I dumped him straight away. Of course, he gave me every excuse you can think of and cried and begged and promised the world... But that's his problem What was right for me might not be right for you - I don't know your personal circumstances...

2) Blaming you for everything, and refusing to discuss it. Did you actually do anything to deserve this? Don't let this guy rob you of your self-confidence: you seem like a nice and intelligent person. Is there a deeper problem that needs to be solved? I mean, a communication problem, a lack of respect, perhaps he feels unloved or insecure or old, or perhaps he is a naughty little boy trying to find your boundaries? I'm a big believer in learning from these things, and turning them into something positive

Hope that helps, though I'm probably the last person who should be giving advice on relationships

[Terry]

Hope that helps, though I'm probably the last person who should be giving advice on relationships

Don't say that Becka. There is no opinion that can be considered best for anybody.
In regards to your answer, do you consider that women can still forgive a man at least once for his cheating?

[Faw_Peter]

Nobody is professional, we just try to give good advices to each other.

[Nicholas]

I wasn't in such situations. Thank God.
But I don't think that AMY excuse is acceptable. Facts are facts.

[Big_Becka]

Aw, thanks chaps It is possible to forgive someone, if they are sorry. You don't just stop loving someone...

Unfortunetely, my experience was that the guy just thought I would forgive everything he did! He turned into a monster - and I ended up leaving him anyway And then he was surprised that I left him!!! So, you have to be careful forgiving people - maybe guys like to be punished?

[Andrewz]

Guys like to be punished? Maybe, somewhere yes. On my own experience, I receive pleasure when I fight for a girl. I don't like when a girl just tells me "Come and take me!". It proves that this girl is open for everybody.
GIRLS!!! I address to all of you! You must not allow guys do whatever they want to you. Respect yourself, love yourself (of course to a certain limit). If you do that, men will pay attention to you. In my opinion, if a guy cheats a girl, he should do it in a way so that she doesn't know or even suspects him about it. Real gentlemen can do it, it all depends on the will.

[Steven]

I will reveal the secret: when a girl turns down a man for a certain proposal, the man feels himself disappointed, desperate and thereby loses his dignity. In turn, for a real man, dignity means a lot. That's why he will strive for doing that again and again, until she accepts him. This "fighting period" will make him be attracted and fascinated by the girl.